Seamus goes through puberty..

Irene: Stick your doggy dick in! And keep it tucked in! You are not humping with me! You will be asexual! Say, "I am asexual!"

...

Irene: Control your period!

Frolicking

Irene: So after he's played with her goodies, now she's clingy? Hm, stupid.

Oprah's best.

Irene: Have you realized that Oprah looks her best when she's FAT and CHUBBY?!

Making Mummy's Bed

Irene: Um, excuse me you little trollop! Did I tell you to make my bed from the bottom up? COME AND MAKE MY BED NOW!
MaryFrances: Did you just call me a trollop?
Irene: Yes, you are a trollop. I'm not sleeping in a tangled up bed. Go wash your hands and come make my bed.

Witchcraft

Irene: They're all forms of witchcraft you know! Drinking, drugs...the bible says so!

Sangria

Irene: If you can stop to go and blog, you can stop to go and get me a drink!

..

Irene: Every time I say something, she goes and puts it on her blog for her stupid friends to laugh at.

Addison, Tx

Irene: It's young; it's hip; it's happenin'

Damnation

Irene: You do know that groping leads to eternal damnation.

HP7

MaryFrances: Can you perm my hair today?
Irene: No, I have to watch the Deathly Hallows again.

Gods

Irene: Are any of your friends going to India?
MaryFrances: No? Why would they go to India?
Irene: Well, you know how they like to pray to their Bindi gods.

Firm Butts

MaryFrances: Mummy says her butt is like Ramona's.
Irene: It is! Look at how firm it is!

tramps

Irene: I read about tramps.
Me: No you don't.
Irene: Yes I do; I have to be able to identify them.

Weight Gain

Irene: Do they eat a lot of fajitas?

Sleeping in public

Irene: I hope you didn't fart and snore. You know how gasses escape from you in strange places.

Fixing things

Irene: I used to fix TVs in Ghana.

Math

Irene (@ MaryFrances and I): I'm smarter than the three of you combined.

Mummy gets hacked.

Irene: HOW DID GUS GET ONTO MY FACEBOOK?

Porn

Irene: PORN PORN PORN PORN